I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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