Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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