1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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