Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
