I bet he comes in French.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drake has all the answers
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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