Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
