Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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