Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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