I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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