Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
