He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
