What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
