When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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