i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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