Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
