There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
