Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize