We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
