It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
