I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
