Buhtt sex?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
