I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
