I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
