my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
