I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
