I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
