Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
