i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize