The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
