Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
