I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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