Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
