Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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