i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
