I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
