I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
