Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
