are you still at the devil's house?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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