No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The Olympian is in my bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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