Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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