Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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