Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
