the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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