I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
