So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
