I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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