I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
