I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
