oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
