A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
