So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
