had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
