Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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