ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i already hear my dad disowning me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
