Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're like the curious george of whores
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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