mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
