i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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