Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
