Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
