So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
