Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
