No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize