We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
