thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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