six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
