Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
